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Once upon a time, two sisters, Delilah and Miribelle, lived together in the house their granddaddy built - along with Socrates, an opinionated and VERY vocal parrot.

Delilah, Socrates, and Miribelle

Elmira, the neighborhood "prophet," tells the sisters that she had a dream in which she saw them visited by the Angel of Death.

Elmira: "It was the Angel of Death!"

His robe "sorta undulated like a bat's wings."

" ... undulated like a bat's wings."

Elmira enlists the aid of Florence, another neighbor whose family "has the potion poultice or preventative" ... "fer ever' haint, ever' spell, and ever' spirit."

Florence: "Old Clandustry, well, they say he had the worst kinda temper."

Florence tells Miribelle the haunted history of the land on which the house is built.

"... and killed her with an ax!"

Later, the house is visited by the black-robed Spectre of Death and someone dies!

Just when things are darkest (because the fuses keep blowing), Aunt Minnie drops in for a visit.

Aunt Minnie

Aunt Minnie is as deaf as a post - sometimes.

Minnie: "Honey, yore daddy was crazy!"

Aunt Minnie manages, somehow, to further confuse poor Miribelle about their family history.

Officer Judy: "I'm a cop and a damn good one. Remember that!"

The local version of law enforcement, Officer Judy, stops by "on official business" only to discover that there's a lot more "official business" for her to deal with.

"Hold it right there!"

Officer Judy saves Miribelle from becoming the next in a legendary series of decapitations and reveals the Phantom as none other than ...

You wouldn't really want me to tell you that, would you?

And they all lived happily ever after ... more or less ... sort of ... or did they?

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